What Are Parts?

I think I need to catch you up or explain myself a bit. If you read my first few writings, you may have noticed I say things like “little me” or “the teacher part of me” instead of just saying “I” all of the time.

(Huh.. how to say the next part in a clear and consice-ish way… I’ll try.)

This language is an intentional choice, and I use writing as a way to process my feelings from the perspective of my different parts. My neurodivergent brain is incapable of thinking in a linear, singular-perspective-type-of-way. Also, what happens for me a lot is that my parts are polarized, meaning in opposition of each other. I am probably so good at listening and being open-minded to other people’s point of view because I internally do it all of the time with my parts.

You may not know this right now, but we all have parts. You may have heard of the framework Internal Family Systems (IFS) as a way to conceptualize parts, or maybe shadow work or inner child work. Did you see the movie Inside Out or Inside Out 2 (please do if you haven’t)? Parts.

There is no one way that we all experience our parts. Sometimes people hear a voice in their head. I conceptualize God as a part, and sometimes it is His voice encouraging me to notice or speak to someone, etc. Sometimes I hear my inner-critic voice pop up “You shouldn’t have said that.” Most of my parts are super encouraging, kind, and have hype-girl energy. When it comes to younger parts (inner child), those are parts that held/hold wounds and were stuck in that time. Through parts work I have been able to help those parts heal. Sometimes that looks like being in self-energy and going inside your body/brain to be with that part of you. You ask the part questions and it’s super wild because the part is you, but not an omniscient version of you. And although you are grown. thinking you know everything about yourself, these parts hold answers and wisdom you don’t know without asking. Sometimes the parts just need to be seen and heard. Sometimes whole stories play out (in what feels like your imagination) in which you reparent this younger part and do things for them that they needed at the time. When parts are stuck in time and don’t want to be, these positive experiences can help them move. Every interaction I have had with my parts and every interaction I have witnessed as a therapist has ended positively and even if it was emotional at times, people described the experience as offering relief and being healing.

I integrate parts work in many of my therapy sessions, and it is one of my favorite things I do. It is incredible to see how each person conceptualizes their parts. For me, I mostly hear voices in my head. I may have body sensations attached to that as well (for example, sadness may feel heavy in my chest, or a younger part may come up and my throat hurts… which connects to not having a “voice” or feeling heard). I struggled with understanding parts work at first because I do not visualize in the same way most people do. If I visually see a part, it looks realistic (ex: 16 year old me) but I can’t see any details/it’s so vague and just a flash. Sometimes it is a flash of the environment (ex: the blue stairs) and that makes me realize, “Oh, it’s 16 year old me based on this setting.”

I feel like due to the healing work I have done, I am better able to observe parts and notice in real time. Prior to that, I would say I blended with a part and didn’t realize that was happening. You may have had this happen- you get a text from someone, and it makes you mad. Not just a little mad, but you feel like another person just took over your body. If you are not aware of parts, you may let that mad part hop in the driver’s seat and before you know what is happening you are sending an angry reply back, letting this person know how you feel about them. Raise your hand if you have an inner Hulk? What is cool is after you start doing this work and understand this is what is happening, it gives you the ability to pause and have choice in the situation.

My mad part is pretty dormant. It takes a lot. This texting scenario- me a few months ago. A part of me doesn’t even want to put the details here because if this person reads it I don’t want them to know they got to me like that. haha. But it was facinating because my oldest was standing near me when it happened, and I asked her “do I look like a different person right now?” (that is how much my entire energy shifted in that moment). A part said, “Oh my goodness… we got them. You could cut them with just a few words and since they posted on social media, everyone will see the fake life they are living.” But then this wiser part came up, and I appreciate the approach she took. She didn’t even try to say I was a better person than that, she just reminded me “It is 9 pm on a Sunday night. Is this how we want to start our week? You know if you write one word back your brain is going to start spinning and you won’t sleep. You have 7 clients tomorrow. Is this worth it?… How about we just wait until tomorrow. If you still feel the need to fight this battle, let’s do it in the daytime.” Okay.. tomorrow. Once my body calmed down my thinking brain was able to come back online. I could see what a bad idea it would be to respond, and I was able to let it go.

Working with clients, it is absolutely incredible to hear what happens for them. Some people see shapes and colors as opposed to realistic people-like representations. Some see cartoon-like characters (ones they recognize or ones their brain creates). Many see the whole scene of what is happening around them and the setting is just as integral to the story as the part is. One of my favorite things to witness is when the person sees something and can’t quite make sense of it, but then after explaining it, they have this instant knowing of what it means and how it connects to present day. It’s like the brain presents a metaphor, and it is so amazing to see that play out in real time.

It is wild to try to explain and even when people have had multiple, positive experiences doing parts work they will often say “I feel crazy.” No one has meant that literally, but it is just such a unique experience and unlike anything they have done before. I do have some people who get concerned and ask “does this mean I have multiple personalities?” No. DID (dissociative identity disorder) is something completely different.

It is difficult to find videos to show an example of this. Therapy is such a secret. I have asked my 17 year old to make a video with me talking about his experience with it or possibly demonstrating. I will add it here once we complete that. I have a page on my website that explains more about IFS and how it can help you. I can’t be your therapist if I know you, but you can look on www.psychologytoday.com and put in IFS in the search bar if you are interested in doing this work. Let me know if you have questions, want resources, etc.

Thanks for reading this.